shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
