Where did you get a picture of my penis
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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