So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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