You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
