I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
