at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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