Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize