im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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