he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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