Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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