i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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