My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize