it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
