Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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