Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
