I think my vagina is haunted
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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