these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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