I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize