I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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