I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sarcasm needs its own font
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
