Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
