You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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