there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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