I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
