i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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