Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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