I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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