ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
