Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
