wanna go halves on a baby?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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