Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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