I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
