you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
