Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
