So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
