I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
