There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
