I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am one with the molecules
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
