You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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