woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
