Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
