Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
