All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
