Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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