before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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