Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have tasted many bathrooms
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
