I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
