So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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