the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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