Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
