it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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