my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
