im drinking this country out of the recession.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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