I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize