So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
