As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
