New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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