Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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