Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
