yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
