Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
