dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize