p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
