I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
