If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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