as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
