seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
