I got chris browned last night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
