I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
