it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
