So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
