he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
