so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
