If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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