Who did Billy Mays play for?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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