I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
