If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
