Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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