So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have fence marks all over my body
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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