I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
